TINTIN

Today I watched Tintin.

 (A little late – I know, but it was on at kids club AKA listen-to-your-film-with-bonus-child-screams-club…but, hey, it’s cheap.)

Anyway, let’s get to the actual film. There’s a pirate with a drinking problem, a ruthless kidnapping, and a robbery – and, yes, this is a children’s film. Surprisingly this cocktail for the next Pirates of the Caribbean film actually works as a children’s film; aesthetically with its CGI it becomes far more child-like, and of course Tintin with his sidekick dog Snowy provide slapstick humour for the children this film is a good’n - to some extent.

Yes, Captain. It's called a computer screen. You're not real - I thought I should let you know.

It evolves around Tintin with his desire for a new story as a budding journalist, after purchasing what he thought just to be a toy replica of the Unicorn ship he finds himself in a spot of bother. Yes Tintin, ‘GREAT SNAKES!’ indeed. He then goes on to solve the ever complex mystery. And this is where the film with a young audience could fall short…

The storyline turns dramatically from one similar to an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House, to one that wouldn’t be turned down from the intricate thoughts of Christopher Nolan. This small purchase he makes turns out to be (SPOILER) one of three small ships that each hold a scroll that lead Tintin, Snowy and Captain Haddock (Other guy that got kidnapped by the bad guy – keep up.) use to get the co-ordinates to the treasure before the bad guy (Sorry, but I can’t be bothered to Google his name – let’s call him Dave.). So the Dave repeatedly tries to kill Tintin and co, but then Tintin traps Dave and Dave is all like ‘boo hoo’. Tintin, Snowy and Captain Haddock then find that the ‘treasure’ is a hat full of jewels hidden in a globe at his old home with (Yep, you guessed it…) another scroll.

So, you can imgaine the confused face on my 5 year old cousin when we saw the film today. (Much like the confused face you’re experiencing after my misspelling of the word ‘imagine’ – no you don’t have dyslexia.)

So if you like Tintin go see it. If you know who Tintin is then go see it. Finally if you don’t like Tintin then go see it – Steven Spielberg’s interpretation might just sway you.

Fun game alert! ... – every time I confused you have a carrot stick. Let’s be healthy, it is the oh-no-I-never-stuck-to-my-new-years-resolution time of year after all.

LOVE IN FILM - REALISTIC?

Love. Anyone seen it? Because I haven’t found it yet.

Love in films and TV never show the difficulties of love, or the awkward talking…or the creepy staring. They never show the one person upset, after an argument, without the pair resolving their issues with a passionate snog.

In real life this is how it goes (for me at least) =

1) Start talking to a hot guy.

2) Accidentally piss of that guy.

3) Try to resolve with awkward chat.

4) Ruin all chances.

(Probably because I talk an awful lot and rarely make sense.)

This has happened many times, and that’s not the only thing that differs film and real life…appearance differs. In films everyone looks stunning at every second (above) , like a walking L’Oreal advert. In reality we get knotted hair from the wind, ill-fitting clothes and make-up that really will not improve our looks...



(I live in England so my chances of me having the same hairstyle as I leave home with to the one I arrive at school with are very slim.) (The picture above is not me...just saying. :P) (Not that the lady has anything wrong with her...I should stop talking.)

Also, people in film make sense. Of Course this is because there is a well thought out script that is thoroughly checked, but when I watch a film, the couple in the film are completely clear, I know that he likes her and she likes him. Real life…not so simple.

You can say you do not fancy this boy and tell people you hate this boy, and then OBVIOUSLY you’re in love with them. What the fuck? If I said I hate this boy, then how, please tell me, does this mean I want to date him???

And then, there are the awkward, ‘should I tell him I like him?’ moments, which I never do, as after a few minutes of deliberation I figure that if this boy liked me back then he would have said so – right? WRONG. Because chances are (Having not been a boy, or having a penis, this information could be wrong.) he is probably thinking the same thing – I don’t want to be rejected.

AND FINALLY…

In film the hot male protagonist only has eyes for his one girl, this one girl that he is so in love with that he wouldn’t wish her any different. In reality guys fancy A LOT of girls. This could make a relationship awkward knowing that he fancies every breathing female. But it gets worse. He could fancy your sister – unfortunately (For me, and not for her.) my sister is at a similar age to me and is stunning, I’m pretty sure people question if we are sisters, or I’m just there to make her look better.

So are moral is this: Films portray love as destiny, easy, and exciting. The reality is: Love is shit until you find someone.

(Every time I made you depressed grab a drink.)

(P.S I wrote this after getting 'smashed' on Nesquik.)

(You can see how people find me annoying)

:D